Category Archives: Relationship

Quick Tips For Building a Positive Relationship

Everyone strives to build a positive relationship with those that are close to them. Believe it or not, we all want to be loved unconditionally and have safe loving relationships with those that mean most to us. And although we may think that those wants come naturally with our most stable relationships, the truth is, every relationship requires maintenance every now and again.

When it comes to building a positive relationship, having ups and downs is going to be unavoidable. You will be surprised to learn that going through the challenges and overcoming them can actually bring your relationships closer together and further the strength that is already present. Building a positive relationship can be a challenge, but with a few tips in mind, we can surely grow our relationships to that level of positivity we desire.

To ensure a good relationship between two people, both parties need to be open to each other’s outlooks. It’s not good when you both can’t express your different opinions and understand each other’s points of view. Keeping this in mind, it’s also not good to disagree with one another 80% of the time. The old saying is that opposites do attract, and while I find this can be true, keep in mind that there should be some sort of familiar grounds you can both balance on to help understand each other.

After you find balance between one another, realize that a positive relationship requires love and understanding from both people, it will not work if it is one sided. Give and take from both sides is paramount to its success.

With the give and take of a relationship comes patience. You are bound to have disagreements from time to time. There are some people who believe that they never argue within some of their relationships, and while this may be true, it’s actually healthy for you to disagree from time to time. Just remember that some relationships have moments that are tense, and whether this is due to outside conflict (i.e. stress) or actual problems within the relationship, remember that it is only temporary and that your relationship is worth fighting through any disagreement for. In some situations, it’s necessary to either find a solution to the problem or agree to disagree, without getting angry, and move on.

With this in mind, also remember that a positive relationship is not formed overnight and takes a certain amount of time to develop. Be patient and don’t push your relationship beyond where it is ready to be, such as a long term commitment from someone you have recently started dating. While it may feel like it’s going well, a positive relationship needs time to develop and grow in many areas, such as trusting one another. You should always allow all of your relationships to take their natural course and ensure nothing is being forced.

This being said, remember to give each other plenty of space. Allow others in your life to spend time with others and show that you trust your relationship enough that you don’t need to overcrowd one another. Some people can become too clingy and distrusting of others, unwilling to “share” them. This is not going to build a positive relationship as you run the risk of smothering your partner and potentially losing them altogether.

All in all, the final key to a positive relationship is to forget about thinking negatively. Try not to become jealous or have negative thoughts. If you do find yourself in a similar situation, reevaluate your relationship to determine how you can salvage it. The only way to build a positive relationship is to be just that, positive. Spending time with each other, doing things for each other and doing things together will ensure you are well on your way to building a wonderful, loving positive relationship that you both cherish and will hopefully last a lifetime.

Managing Your Relationships Successfully

Caught up in the buys lives, we forget or take for granted our relationships with our family and loved ones. While relationships thrive on communication and attention, we seem to forget to communicate and take people for granted unless and until we face a situation, which makes us realize this fact. Let it not be too late that the bridges are burnt. Adapt these tips in your life and learn to manage successfully your relationships.

1. As a member of the family, you have a relationship with every individual. Therefore it is important that you maintain a one to one relationship with all the members including your parents, brothers, sisters, kids, spouse including in laws and extended family. Keeping continuous communication going with each member is good for the well being of all in the family.

Remember always that these are the people who matter to you most and stand by you. They are there to celebrate each and every occasion be it a birthday party or wedding anniversary. They are beside you at funerals too.

2. Outside of our immediate family, the people who matter most are our friends. Our friends whom we grew up are never forgotten wherever they are and however they are. Friendships that are formed in childhood last a lifetime. But then you would need to take time to find your friends and keep in touch with them.

Spending quality time meeting your friends once in a while is very good for your health as it makes you very happy. In day-to-day life you can always take off a few minutes to catch up with a friend over the phone or via email to say hello and find out how he is doing. Just this communication is enough for friendships do not require much to be spoken.

3. You need not keep showing your family that you care for them only by words, but show them by deeds to. Very simple and mundane things can make people happy. When you remember some ones birthday and wish them early morning with a small present or present small gifts like books, flowers without any occasion or in appreciation of some gesture works wonders. You can even take your family out on a dinner followed by long drive or surprise them by taking leave and staying at home to help with cleaning.

You do not have to follow any protocol to show people that you care. Just follow your heart and do things in natural manner. A bit of thoughtfulness and care goes a long way in making others happy as well as making you happy.

Life has its ups and downs. While going is good, you have no dearth of friends and acquaintances; it is during hardships that you really find the strength to go on with the support and backing of your family and your relationships. Time and tide waits for none. As the poem goes, do not waste a single moment to let them know how much you love them.

Create Harmony by Focusing on Strengths

Often, we have an unconscious tendency to make judgments about ourselves and others. Sarah-Singer-Noire, in her High Impact Trainings, says “We are judgment making machines.” Within ourselves, it seems that we have an invisible scale from 1-10 whereby we make judgments and unconsciously “put a number on the head of ourselves and others.” Some people get a “1,” while others may get a “10,” or a “4.” The only problem is that when we put a number on someone’s head, they know it and so do we. It tends to separate and divide us. The standard by which we make these unconscious judgments often is some idealized image in our minds from childhood or the TV. For example, we may make judgments on the basis of beauty. Because we are not aware it, this process often is not discussed.

One way to overcome this unconscious tendency to make judgments is to look for strengths. When we focus on strengths, we have an opportunity to look at what others do well and enjoy. When we let them know what we appreciate, they feel acknowledged and accepted for who they are. Researcher, Barbara Fredrickson, in her recent book,” Positivity,” shares that these positive feelings broaden and build our relationships, especially when the ratio of positive to negative is 3:1. Our mindset begins to shift from “me vs. you” to “we are all in this together.” People become more creative, more willing to share their resources, and unify in times of stress. In this time of economic change and stress, the increased strength and bonding that happens from maintaining positive emotion, is critical for our happiness and success.

Save Your Relationship by Defining It

To save your relationship, you need to start by defining it. Defining your relationship in the beginning can save both of you hours of heartache. The two of you need to be on the same page as to what each of you expects out of the relationship. In defining your relationship, you take away assumptions and expectations that may differ, and therefore stand a good chance of saving your relationship.

Problems will definitely arise if you think you are just having a fling, but your partner is thinking this could lead to a walk down the aisle. You can save your relationship by defining it, because you take out of the cards many of the pitfalls that enter into a relationship. In defining your relationship, you take away a lot of the chances of hurt feelings, broken hearts, and anguish.

It is essential if you want to save your relationship to acknowledge your wants, fears, and needs and have your partner do the same. We all think that what we do it ‘normal’, but in reality, there is no such thing s normal. What makes us all unique is our strengths, our weaknesses, our past experiences. We all do things now because of what has happened to us in the past.

Whether we realize it or not, we are all using ourselves as the baseline for behavior. This means that on some very essential levels, we assume that other people want what we want, feel what we feel. Most of us are aware that this isn’t the case on a conscious level, but it’s hard to put this into action all the time.

We all use our own reactions and behaviors as the basis for we see as normal. We then assume that if someone is acting the same way, they must want what we want. We all know on a gut level that that isn’t true, but it is so very easy to lull ourselves into that dream world. That is why it is so important if you want to save your relationship, you have to start by defining it.

Just as long as things are going smoothly, we convince ourselves that everything is OK, so we don’t want to rock the boat and just keep doing the same ol’ same ol’ things. I mean, if we both seem happy, then nothing can be wrong, right? The only time when most of us question our relationship is when things start to go wrong.

That is why if you truly want to save your relationship, you must define it early on. Just because your partner is happy, doesn’t mean that they are happy for the same reasons. It’s kinds like going to a movie together; you both come out of it saying how great it was, but when you get down to why you each think so, you could have very different reasons why you each thought it was so good.

That is why if you want to save your relationship, you need to start by defining from the beginning. I’m not suggesting telling the guy on the first date that you are looking for a husband; talk about a deal breaker! But after a few dates and both of you seem to be happy, you need to talk about your expectations for the relationship.

The drawn back to defining your relationship early on is that it always an uncomfortable subject to broach. Let’s face it, who wants to hear anyone say “So, where do you see us going?” Now, if your partner is sarcastic, they will say “I thought we were going to the movies”. A little humor never hurts, and it can also lead in to an easier conversation about what is really on your mind. And really, isn’t better to be uncomfortable for a few minutes in the beginning than end up heartbroken down the road?

Look at it this way, if the two of you can get through a talk about your relationship and each of your expectations in the early stages, it will make later discussions that much easier. Yes, it can be tough, but if you really want to save your relationship, you need to start by defining it; and defining it early to keep both of you from getting hurt.

Using our Relationship for Personal Growth

Relationships are a key element in most people’s lives. As John Donne stated so poignantly in the late 1500’s: “No man is an island.” These words still hold true today. Thus far, however, most people have not learned how to have successful relationships and still feel complete within themselves. Relationships are challenging because they involve two distinct individuals with varying needs, desires, and opinions. When the needs and desires of the individuals do not match, there are usually disagreements, disappointments, and disillusionment. It is during these times that we question our relationships and wonder if we would be better off alone. What then can be done to create a more satisfying relationship?

With conscious intention and effort, we can use our relationships to heal and transform our lives. This new paradigm, or model, for relationships consists of three steps: 1) taking responsibility for our actions and reactions; 2) experiencing our feelings deeply; and 3) expressing ourselves clearly and honestly to our partner while having equal empathy for our partner’s feelings. When we learn to do this, our relationships can reach a deeper level of understanding and become a vehicle for our personal growth and fulfillment.

The first step in the new paradigm, taking responsibility for our actions and reactions, can be an unfamiliar and sometimes frightening experience. It involves looking at how we are contributing to or creating the disturbing situation, instead of automatically blaming our partner for the misunderstanding. When we are able to let down our defenses and accept responsibility, both parties breathe a sigh of relief and the door to honest communication opens. For many people, the risk of taking responsibility for their actions and reactions is the hardest part of working on relationships. Men may feel like they are losing power or abdicating their throne. Women may feel like they are giving in or being weak and submissive. In both cases, it usually feels like some type of loss, either of personal power or of a part of ourselves. Although difficult at first, this step can lead to a much greater understanding of our reactive patterns of behavior and can accelerate our personal growth dramatically.

The second step in this model is experiencing our feelings deeply. This step involves removing ourselves from the immediate situation and taking a deep breath in order to reflect on what is happening inside of us. We may become aware of certain bodily sensations such as tightness in the throat, chest or stomach area. Emotions such as sadness, hurt, or anger might surface. Thoughts or memories may come into our awareness. Learning to focus inwardly will take practice since many of us have spent very little time focusing on ourselves and how we actually feel. As with all the steps of this new paradigm, we must be patient with ourselves and appreciate each little step we take.

Feeling deeply can also prove to be challenging because our present feelings are often influenced by what has gone on in our past. For instance, if we have had a relationship in the past that left us feeling criticized or unlovable, chances are good that our new relationship will also bring up those feelings. Love tends to bring to the surface any past hurts that need to be healed. This is one reason the new paradigm for relationships is so powerful. Instead of blindly repeating old ways of being, we can use our relationships to work on ourselves — to notice the patterns of thought and behavior that we continually relive and begin to explore them within the safety of the relationship. The key is to take the time to remove ourselves from the situation and feel what is actually going on inside. This gives us time to calmly reflect so we can act instead of react.

The third step of this new model is expressing ourselves clearly and honestly to our partner while having equal empathy, or appreciation, for our partner’s feelings. This step involves telling our partner the truth about how we feel. It is important to avoid the tendency to fall back on old patterns of relating such as making our partner wrong, going numb, playing out dramas based on old hurts, or entering into power struggles. To communicate clearly we need to go beyond blame and judgment and tell the truth about our experience. We need to make the decision that being happy in our relationship is more important than being right. The only way to do this is to be totally honest with ourselves and our partner.

Equally important in this third step is having empathy for our partner’s feelings. This includes allowing our partner the opportunity to express how they feel and then making an honest attempt to understand them. In other words, we need to put ourselves in their place and experience what they are feeling. This type of exchange is the beginning of authentic communication and the birth of an entirely new type of relationship. Both parties will begin to feel empowered and loved. As a couple reaches greater depths of feeling and understanding, their strength grows in all areas of their lives.

Practicing the three steps of the new paradigm — taking responsibility for our actions and reactions, experiencing our feelings deeply, and expressing ourselves completely — will result in an enormous shift in our relationships, both with our partner and out in the world. Our communication will be clearer and more honest, we will gain greater respect for ourselves and others, and we will experience a greater sense of personal power, love, and joy in our lives.