Monthly Archives: December 2016

Increase Your Personal Value to Improve Relationships

One key concept that can help us to improve our ability to find new relationships is the concept of personal value. Personal value is the level of value that we have as a person in the eyes of others.

House Analogy

An example that can help to outline this concept of value is to look at the value of house. Every house has some level of value for what it can be sold for. This value will typically go up and down and can be impacted by many things including how the homeowner takes care of the property, any improvements they have made, and how the neighborhood surrounding it changes. The key thing to look at in this example is that the value of the house constantly goes up and down and there are things that the homeowner can do to improve it.

Just like the value of a house, we as individuals have a level of value. Everything that we do and say can make our value go up and go down in the eyes of others.

What impacts our value?

When you assess the value of any item, you typically look at many different things. The same holds true for personal value. Here are some examples of factors others can look at when assessing your level of value.

Physical appearance: Just as the appearance for a house or car can impact the level of value others place on it, the same holds true for personal value as physical appearance places a factor. It is important to note that this is not just our looks. It is also our level of fitness, fashion, and grooming. It can also be impacted by our body language. Many people are unhappy and discouraged when it comes to their own physical appearance but we each have a tremendous amount of control in this area.

Social qualities: How somebody interacts with others will impact the level of value that others give them. Qualities like being nice, funny, and interesting can increase someone’s value. Being boring, difficult, and rude can decrease someone’s personal value.

Intellect: Level of intellect can impact someone’s value. This does not mean that having college degrees is high value and not having college degrees is low value. This more refers to someone’s ability to learn and understand things while interacting with others..

Emotions: The depth of one’s emotional capacities can impact one’s level of value. The ability to care for others, sympathize, and empathize can increase one’s personal value. On the flip side, if someone has a very shallow emotional capacity, their value can be negatively impacted.

Finances: Value can be impacted by someone’s financial strength and status. It is important to note that financial strength is not synonymous with having a large amount of money. Someone could have a low level of income and have financial strength by making good financial decisions and being fiscally responsible.

Mentality: One’s mental strength can impact their value. Mental strength can be displayed by qualities like stability, rational decision making, confidence, etc.

Please note that these just a few examples of things that could impact the level of personal value one might have in the eyes of others. If you agree that some of these items could impact your level of personal value, and you agree that increasing your level of value could improve your relationships, then it could make sense to spend time and energy in areas like these to drive positive results.

Creating Great Family Relationships

When asked what is most important to them, most people respond with one word-family. When you have a family where love is expressed, and shown, the benefits are overwhelming. A happy family where respect, laughter, love, and fun exist is truly a bit of heaven on earth.

If your spouse is thoughtful, supportive, a teammate, and a friend, you’ll attain greater happiness in all areas of life. If your children are close to you, bonding as siblings, developing mentally, physically, and spiritually, who can measure the joy you will know? When the trials of the world weigh heavily upon you, your family becomes a true source of strength, encouragement, and peace-a shelter from the storm.
How can you create a satisfactory family life and still have everything you want in other areas? Is it possible to have a great family life while still accomplishing much outside the home? Not only is it possible-it must be done. Many parents achieve this balance every day.

CORE DESIRES IN YOUR FAMILY
In all of areas of life, the driving force that causes anything to happen with a high degree of joy and satisfaction is a Core Desire. If your desire is there, it’s assured that you can achieve a close family unit. The results you achieve will be directly proportional to what you want and what you do. How soon you achieve your desired results is also directly related to how much you want them. If you are committed to something 100 percent in your family relationships, you can achieve it-especially if you seek direction on how to make it happen.
To achieve satisfying family unity, you need to be very clear about your Core Desires regarding your relationships. Virtually everything you want in your family has to do with feelings. For example, you may want to feel closer to your spouse because this makes you feel accepted, appreciated, valuable, and loved.
Poetry in Stages

My wife loves poetry, and for years I did not. In the early years of our marriage she tried to share her love for poetry with me, but I told her I just wasn’t interested. I was never very sensitive or considerate about it either. Later I came to learn that not only did I hurt her feelings, but by being so adamant in my distaste, I forced part of her to close down. Not being able to share something so important with me limited our relationship.
I couldn’t envision acquiring a taste for poetry, let alone ever becoming enamored with it, as she was. This was a major obstacle I didn’t know how to overcome. I began asking myself what my Core Desires were concerning my wife. I want to know all about her-to truly understand her heart. When I am able to give her what she needs and wants, we feel closer.

I could easily see that my Core Desire was never going to be poetry, but understanding her was already a 100 on my Core Desire Scale. Once I understood this, I began to want to know why poetry touched her so much. What was it about poetry that made her happy? When I asked her these questions, she lit up. I could see that I was bringing her a great deal of joy just by caring enough to ask.
This was the first stage of my poetry experience with my wife. After understanding the impact poetry could have on her, I was motivated to please her, in some way, in this matter. Since we go on dates every Friday night, I went to the bookstore and bought two books on poetry before our next date. I had now progressed to stage two.

I planned a picnic in a beautiful park. After we ate, I pulled out the two books and said, “I’d like to read some poetry to you.”  Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and she smiled and said, “Okay!”
I opened the first book and began to read the first poem. It was a short poem-only about eight lines long. I may not have read it very well, but Marci got a kick out of my efforts. When she told me she liked it, I asked her what she liked about it.

She began to explain what the words meant to her and how they made her feel. I was happy that I was able to bring her that kind of joy. Then she told me it was even more enjoyable because I brought it and read it to her. That was music to my ears. When we had finished reading both books, I felt like a million dollars for making her happy by doing something she really loved-and she told me she fell in love with me all over again! Later, I even tried to write a poem about my love for her. This was definitely stage three. The poem may have been poor, but she was so pleased that it didn’t matter. I have since written her several poems.

Self Esteem and Your Relationships

People with high self esteem are more likely to succeed in life and be able to find happiness. They have learned to value themselves. self esteem and self confidence go together and is found to be a turn on. People will find it very sexy. When we value ourselves we will also become successful in our relationships and in our marriages. You might ask why that would be it is because before the two shall be come one we must be one by ourselves. We must be whole on our own other wise we are constantly looking for others to bring us up and make us feel better about ourselves.

Self esteem is the ability to know what our good qualities and strengths are even when we are not feeling good about ourselves because of something we have done or said. It is the ability to see our short comings and love ourselves anyways because we know we can learn from it. We never give up on ourselves because we are not perfect. We are worthy of love even if we are not perfect.

Learning to love your self is a gift, a wonderful gift that you can give yourself. How do we learn to do this? We do this by not being negative about where we are now and make plans to become a better person. We need to start a journal. In this journal I want you to first write the answers to a couple of questions. What do I want out of my life? Where do I want to be in one year? Five years? How about ten years? When we make plans we are essentially setting goals for ourselves.

Write in the journal every day how you feel about yourself. Now write five things you like about yourself and five things you would like to change. We are figuring out what will make us happy. What is important to us. Then once we figure out where we want to be we need to start figuring out how we can meet our goals. In the journal that you are keeping write down what steps we need to take in order to get to where we want to be. When we write things down we can see where we have been and where we are going. It reminds you of what you need to do achieve your goals.

Now while we have made our goals we now need to separate them into three categories. One is the ones we have obtained, another one of what is right now with in our grasp and then the last one should be ones that are just slightly out of our reach but still obtainable. Remember this will be different for everyone.

We do not want to put down something like I want to win the lottery. We all want to win the lottery but having that as a goal will only set you up for a fall and we are not looking for that we are looking to improve ourselves and to become the person we want to be. Put a star next to the ones that you can accomplish today.